Under The Same Roof
by B Cardoso
Summary: They are not together, but they live together. There is a thin wall between and 1000 miles separating them. But when they feel their hearts ripping they go to the same place. It’s just a few feet away, but there they are together Future Fic Lit
1. Meaningless Date

**UNDER THE SAME ROOF**

**Summary: **They are not together, but they live together. There is a thin wall between and 1000 miles separating them. But still, when it's cold outside and they want to keep themselves warm they go to the same place. It's just a few feet away, but there they are together...even if it's only for one more night. LIT

* * *

**Chapter 01 **

She looks up at the blue sky and wonders if anyone up there hates her. She can't remember how she got herself into such a mess. It all started so long ago, and the first time she thought would also be the last. But then it happened again and it scared her to death. Now she is almost use to it, welcoming their late night rendezvous.

She takes another sip of her coffee and looks at the tables around her, outside the little café. This has become her second favorite place in New Haven, the first being her own apartment. But she finds herself running from it more and more often lately. It's not that he has been rude to her or anything. He treats her like he always had; affectionately in his on way. It's just that she doesn't know how to act anymore. Especially when he brings his dates home.

She thinks he does that only to provoke her, even though he doesn't treat her any differently when these girls are there. Sometime she wonders if he sees her just like he sees them; a simple one night stand. Even thought she can't even count how many times they've 'met.

She reminds herself that she can't complain. After all, she is the one who so carefully set up the rules. Of course, there is no verbal or written agreement; it is just her silent rules that he respects even though he disagrees. They always meet in the living room, their neutral space. They never talk about 'it', not with each other, not with anyone. It doesn't change their relationship – or at least they pretend so – and it doesn't change their dating status at all. It's just sex.

He never got into a real relationship after they started these new "relationship", if you can call it that. How can he, knowing that every time she feels lonely and depressed – which is more often than it should - she comes to him? She hasn't started any serious relationships either. Truth be told, she hasn't had any serious relationships besides him since she met him.

This complex arrangement doesn't look like a choice to either of them. He doesn't like the sound of it one bit, but goes along anyway. Not because he wants to, but because he needs her. And even if she would never admit it, she needs him to.

Her friend arrives and sits across from her but she doesn't notice. She only snaps out of her train of thought when she hears the familiar high pitched voice greeting her, "Hey, darling!"

She looks up startled before greeting back, "Hey, Kelly."

"Are you okay? You look a little pale..."

"I'm fine. Just thinking."

Kelly gets comfortable in her sit and rests her purse in her lap. "You know, I was thinking, I haven't been on a date in a while now..."

'Uh-oh', Rory thinks. She knows Kelly pretty well and, though the girl really hasn't been on a date lately, she is what you would call slut-y. And if she brought up the subject, then she had something in mind.

"And now I think I'm ready for something serious," Kelly goes on, "so I was wondering if you could properly introduce me to that handsome roommate of yours. I mean, he's so hot and funny, and if he can hold a conversation with you he must be intelligent. And every time I go to your apartment he's reading... it's such a turn on" she pauses for a moment. "I promise I won't blow this up, Rory. I really want to go on a date with him," she pleads.

Rory looks at her friend not believing what she is hearing. She tries to think about anything to keep Kelly from going on a date with Jess. After finding nothing, she decides to just give some lame excuse, "I'm sorry, Kelly, I don't think he's ready to date. He just broke up with his girlfriend and it was pretty serious...I think he needs some time."

Kelly looks at her a little disappointed. "Oh, okay then. Let me know when you think he's ready."

"Sure," she rubs her hand trying to cheer her up. "But hey, I have this friend… I think you would like him. He's doing law and he's really good looking..."

One hour and five coffees later, Rory convinces her Kelly to go on a blind date with some other guy, the roommate totally forgotten. She leaves the little café and drives home. Thought she would prefer to avoid him, she is really tired and going home sounds like the perfect option. When she turns the key in the lock and opens the door, she finds him opening the bathroom door, stepping out. There's only a towel around his waist, his hair still wet. She closes the door behind her and throws her purse on the couch. "Is there anything to eat?"

"Pizza in the microwave and coffee in the coffee maker."

She nods and goes to their small kitchen. "Any plans for tonight?" she asks, trying to sound casual.

"Nope. Just going to do some reading."

She eats a slice of pizza and nods. He goes into his room and emerges again a few minutes later. With a pair of boxers and an old band tee on, he lies on the couch, she sets her purse on the floor, and he starts reading. She finishes her pizza and coffee, leaving the mug in the sink.

She stares at the back of his head from her position in the kitchen then goes to the back of the couch and kisses his still wet hair. "Good night, Jess."

She goes to her room and closes the door quietly, sad that he is ignoring her. A few moments later, when he knows she's out of earshot and probably lying in bed, worrying about things she can't fix, he whispers back, "Good night, Rory."

She pulls the last of her clothes out of the closet and onto the bed. "It has to be here somewhere," she tells herself. She has searched in her closet, in her 'dirty clothes pile,' under the bed, all around her bedroom, and still she couldn't find her black satin bra that goes just perfect with the slightly transparent black shirt that she wants to put on.

She can't think of anywhere else it might be but thinking back to when she had last wore it, she gasps. She runs to the tiny living room and pulls the cushions from the couch looking for her bra. After a few minutes of searching, she finally sees the thin black strap and starts pulling it when the door opens.

He looks at the scene in front of him, amused. She's kneeling over the couch, her hair messy, the cushions scattered all around. He's not sure what she's doing, but it seems like she is looking for something, and the blue of her eyes, though cloudy, wins him over. "Do you want any help?" he asks casually, closing the door with his foot.

"Oh, no...don't worry...I was just looking for...and now I found it...what I was looking for, I mean..." she explains, but doesn't show him the object that had her panting.

She's rambling, he notices; that was never a good sign. He is about to ask what she was looking for when he catches a glimpse of the black satin and realizes what she has just found. A smart-ass comment comes to mind, but looking into her eyes he remembers their silent pact, so he decides to play dumb and pretend not to have noticed.

She back to her room to finish getting dressed and comes out looking like a model. He looks at her amazed; she's truly beautiful. But he keeps his thoughts to himself and instead asks, "Are you going out?"

She nods lightly while brushing her hair. "Yeah, Todd will be here any minute now."

"Okay." He nods, his eyes down. Right now he wishes so badly to be in Todd's place even though he despises Todd. He knows that somehow he is, but it's different… Every time he's with her he's trying to make up for a time when he was stupid and immature, not knowing how much his stubbornness and bad boy attitude was really costing him. But it's pointless, she's resigned not to forgive him much less give him a second chance. He shakes his head sadly and walks to his room. As soon as his door is closed, the lyrics of "Guns of Brixton" blast through the apartment. She thinks he does that to make her feel guilty. Actually, he is just trying to make her remember how good it felt back then, trying to show her it can be good now too. Sometimes he doesn't know if that's true anymore, if they can have such a thing as a "happily ever after" after all they've been though.

The bell rings snapping her out of her trance and she answers the door with the best smile she can manage. "Hi, Todd."

"Hey, you're beautiful," he greets lamely. Then he makes a disgusting face, "Were you listening to that?"

"Oh, no...It's my roommate."

"Ah," he says nodding in understanding, "I hate this kind of trash. You weren't very lucky with you're roommate, huh? Is she a punk or something?"

Rory opens her mouth to tell him she loves that song, that Jess is a great guy – much better than him, and that he is not a 'she' at all and how well she knows that. But instead she closes her mouth again, thinking about how absurd it would all sound.

So she simply takes her purse and say, "Let's go, or we'll be late to the movies," ignoring everything he has said so far and walking out of the door. It doesn't matter anyway. She knew from the instant he opened his mouth that this would be their first and last date. He disliked the Clash and offended Jess; he had written his own death sentence.

Later that night, when she gets home from their date, Clash is still blasting through the small apartment. He's still mad at her and she wouldn't be surprised if he had heard her earlier conversation with Todd. That must have gotten him even madder. She knows tonight they won't meet, thought she feels cold and aches for his touch. Tonight he doesn't want to touch her.

She lets the lyrics get into her mind while she quietly cries on her pillow. There are many things that she regrets; some in the past, but most of all she regrets the things she's doing now. But she can't help it so she sobs on her pillow because she's miserable and she can only blame herself. She knows he has made a lot of mistakes, but he's tried to repair them; he came back. Now she is making all the mistakes and she doesn't know how to make things better; she doesn't know how to forgive, nor how to apologize. The question is for how long he'll take all this crap from her. He is right in the next room. There is supposed to be just a thin wall between them, but there is also a thousand miles separating them.


	2. Sin and Pain

**UNDER THE SAME ROOF**

**Summary: **They are not together, but they live together. There is a thin wall between and 1000 miles separating them. But still, when it's cold outside and they want to keep themselves warm they go to the same place. It's just a few feet away, but there they are together...even if it's only for one more night. LIT

* * *

**Chap 0****2**

The apartment is cozy and simple. The door leads to the living room/kitchen that are practically the same room if it wasn't for the couch and TV that lead to their bedrooms and the bathroom. The place is like a shoe box and the rent is pretty cheap, which is something Jess really appreciates. It doesn't bother them at all how small the apartment is, actually they prefer it that way.

It is funny how fate plays these jokes; Rory had decided to leave her dorm and share an apartment just a week before Jess showed up again in her door step. They fought, said things that couldn't be erased and neither really regretted saying them and then Jess stormed off, leaving Rory on her dorm sure she would never see him again. A couple of days later, when she was arriving at her room from a late class she found him again, leaning on her door, holding a cup of coffee. They made up and agreed to give a chance to their 'friendship'.

He commented he was looking for a place, but she didn't say anything at the time; she didn't want him so permanently in her life. After two weeks of unsuccessfully looking for a roommate and a dead line to leave her dorm she turned to him.

It would be an understatement to say he was surprised, but he agreed immediately. One week later they were moving in together. In his secret dreams of them living together things were very different; there certainly wasn't that thin wall separating their rooms for one thing. Sometimes he wondered why he didn't leave her. After all, they weren't together, there wasn't anything tying him down at all and he could work and live anywhere. He could have another roommate. He could try and find one. It didn't _have_ to be her. But still, he never left. After exhausting hours of work he would come back to the same small empty bed, just because it was four feet away from hers.

She gets home from college and goes straight to her room to drop her purse and books.

"How was your date last night?" he casually asks once she is back in the kitchen. He doesn't stop making his sandwich or even turns around to look at her.

"Fine", she answers, just as casually. "Nothing special", she adds, as in an after thought.

He knows what this means, she is just saying she didn't sleep with him. He already suspected that by how early she had come home last night.

He nods, "Are you going out with him again?"

She ignores his question and asks one of her own, "What happened to Patricia? I haven't seen her around lately. Especially for breakfast", she asks a little too spiky.

He smirks at her comment though she can't see it with his back still turned to her. "We are not seeing each other anymore. So, are you going out with that guy?"

She smiles a little relieved and triumphant, but doesn't quite figure why she feels this way. "No, we don't fit together...different tastes...and he doesn't even read!" she tries to explain herself.

He smiles genuinely and finally turns to face her. "You can't date someone who doesn't read", he agrees.

"No, you can't", she confirms. "By the way, didn't 'Patty' just read Cosmo?" she asks innocently, as if she wasn't aware it was some kind of offense.

He shrugs it off, apparently unaffected, "At least she liked Clash", he bites back.

She goes silent. So he really had heard it. Rory feels frustrated; she can't read his expressions anymore. She's not sure if he is mad, hurt or really unaffected. Once, she had been the only person able to read him, now she is afraid no one can. Or even worse, that someone other than her can. She looks down at her hands before consenting, "Only jerks don't like Clash." It sounds childish and very ludicrous as soon as the words slip out of her tongue, but she has to say them anyway.

He looks at her from the corner of his eye, somewhat pleased.

In this moment, she doesn't care if she is offending Todd, or if she is giving in to him. She would say at Todd's face what she really thought about him just to reassure Jess if it was the case. The only thing that matters right now is for her to let him know that he comes first, even if it is not what it seems.

He finishes his sandwich and sights, staring at her. She holds his gaze for what feels like eternity. He finally heads to his room, passing by her side, brushing and holding her hand lightly. He usually does that when he wants to see her that night. She squeezes it back gently. He stops for a moment, before resuming the short walk to his room.

Later that night she hears his door open. He is starting this tonight; it's her choice to go to him or not. Standing up in the dark, she opens the door ever so quietly, in a cat-like way, as if not to disturb him. He is lying on the couch, eyes closed, peaceful like an angel. 'Though he is anything but', she thinks to herself.

She knees down next to the couch and bends over closing her eyes and kisses him at the corner of his crooked mouth. He doesn't react. She does it again, more sweetly this time, gently and slowly, pleading him to help her on this. He still seems lifeless. She does it again and again, trying her best to make him come to life until he finally complies. He kisses her back, careful, as if she is breakable and passionate; as if it is the last time he will kiss her. And with how complicated their situation really was; there is always the chance it might be.

She opens her eyes and stares deeply into his dark ones. And as if by magic, she can see how much there are in them - too much - things she can't even begin to comprehend, things he can't tell her even if he wants to so badly, feelings she believed to be lies but are true inside him. She can see his hurt and how these nights kill him, little by little. But she can also see how necessary they have become, for both of them.

He kisses down her neck and tugs on her shirt. She takes it off easily. The night goes on fluidly, as in a rehearsal. It's all so natural, it has become natural. Every touch feels new, even if it's not the first time. It all burns in his mind, making everything unforgettable. The hours pass unnoticed; their love making makes them loose track of time. They go from gentle to rough, from slow to fast and back again. In these rendezvous in which they can read each others mind, they are sure they are the only ones who can understand one another.

When it's over, they lay in each others arms for a while. The sudden awkward silence and lack of what to say finds its way with her rational side and the reality of the situation that makes them incredibly uncomfortable. She suddenly stands up, kissing him good night as if not to be insensitive after what they did (when actually she already is; her kiss, a cold brush of lips) and goes to her room. He shivers without her body covering his. He thinks his body is freezing and that there might be a hole in his being, a part missing. His eyes are wet but the tears don't fall, he would never let them. She killed him a little bit more tonight and still, that's what he needed the most. What a masochist he has become. He stays in the couch for a few more minutes, thinking over the insanity of it all before also getting up and heading to his own room.

In the next morning he wakes up to find an empty apartment. He goes to the kitchen and reads the note on the fridge in her neat handwrite, telling him some lame excuse about how she had to do some research for a paperwork and that's why she left so early to the library. She also lets him know she will come back late, also because of said paper.

He sights, frustrated. He preferred when she would wake up and completely ignore him or pretend nothing happened just a few hours before; at least then she wasn't running from him. He opens the fridge and finds a bottle of orange juice. He knows she has actually made it and he can bet it's just the way he likes it - the way she knows he likes it. He knows it's her peace offering and he accepts it. He always does.

He goes to his room to get ready to work, passing by the nestled couch with the cushions on the floor; the living room, a total mess. Memories flow to his mind; it's agonizing and pleasurable to remember what happened there.

He is not sure where his love for her ends and his hate begins, but he knows it's all there, doomed to be associated with her delicate figure. 'She is going to be the death of me', he concludes in his mind. Taking a deep breath, he tries to easy some of the weight he cares inside of him because of her. She is his cure and his poison. She gives him hope just to destroy it later. He simply takes everything he can get; it's all he can ever do, anyway. After all, as Shakespeare said, "_That she that makes me sin awards me pain."_


	3. Breakfast

**UNDER THE SAME ROOF**

**Summary: **They are not together, but they live together. There is a thin wall between and 1000 miles separating them. But still, when it's cold outside and they want to keep themselves warm they go to the same place. It's just a few feet away, but there they are together...even if it's only for one more night. LIT

* * *

**Chapter 03**

The door closes with a slam and he walks the few steps to the living room where she is lying on the couch, watching TV. She looks up and he throws himself on the couch next to her.

"I've missed you these last few days", he states.

"I've been busy," she lies, not even looking away from the TV.

"Yeah, I've read your notes." The notes she left on the fridge, before quietly slipping through the door before he woke up.

The silence that falls between them is unbearable. They are drowning in a pool of unspoken words, it is suffocating them and they can both feel it.

He can't take it anymore and starts staring at her, forcing her to look back at him, and when she does he shoots her a simple question, "How did we get into such a fucked up relationship?"

She doesn't dare to lie to or ignore him this time. Even though she doesn't really know and often wonders about the same thing herself, she feels like she owns him some kind of answer. "I don't know", she pauses. "I've always pictured us in another way, never like this," she answers the best she can.

"And how was that?"

"Like in a real girlfriend and boyfriend relationship, I guess, like when we were in high school. But better, we would be grown up, not scared teens that kept the other away, afraid of getting hurt.' She looks down at her hands before finishing her thought, "It seems that plans never do work out."

He grows quiet, not really wanting to comment on that, but having no choice as he wonders how long it will take until they have another honest conversation again. "Are you trying to say that things would have been different if I hadn't gone to California?" he finally asks.

He has never mentioned his little run away since they have moved in together, so it takes her by surprise for a moment.

"I didn't- I didn't mean it like that", she pauses considering. "But, yeah, it would probably be different. I don't know if it would be better, but it would be different."

"Have you ever even forgiven me for leaving you?" he asks exasperated. He knows they have never really dealt with his run away and how it have affected both of them, but he thought they were over this now, or at least that it wasn't such a big deal anymore. Apparently he was wrong.

She takes the remote control and turns the TV off to pay full attention on him. She is trying her best to be honest in this conversation, so maybe they could finally sort things out. But God, is it hard to be honest.

"Sometimes," she starts, "I think there is nothing to forgive. That you just did what you had to do for your own sake. It's like for a moment I can understand that you didn't want to leave me behind; it was just that you couldn't bring me along. And that I wasn't the reason for you're leaving."

She takes a deep breath and then continues, "And sometimes I hate you. I think you still own me something for all the pain you put me through, all the humiliation. I was the last to know you were gone and I was the girlfriend! Sometimes I'm still so mad at you for being so selfish. There are moments...when I'm doing something, anything...like opening a book or listening to a song, and suddenly I remember that day on the bus; you were just by my side, you could have said something, and still you acted like nothing was happening. In these moments I can only think that I've never meant much to you after all and that I'd be better off if I hadn't ever met you."

He lets her talk, listening to everything quietly, never interrupting her. They have never talked about it and he feels like it was time for all to be out in the open. There are things that have to be said, and maybe now is the time. At some points of her talking he feels guilty, at others he feels angry at her, but during her whole rant he understands what she is talking about. He would always understand her, even when she didn't really make sense to him. When she finishes he remains quiet, the awkward silence falling between them again.

"I've already said I'm sorry, I explained it wasn't you. What else can I do?" He asks, not angry, but frustrated.

"That's the point. I don't think there is anything you can do," she tells him soberly. Standing up, she goes to her room and quietly closes the door behind her.

He lets his head fall in his hands exhausted. This have been going on for so long and he has accepted her various reactions to his leaving, her stupid rules about their relationship, the way she treats him for no reason...he has accepted it all.

But now he isn't so sure he can keep doing it for long. He has let her do whatever she wanted because he always thought she would forgive him eventually. But after two years of this sweet torture, having her close enough just to let her make him suffer, he is starting to lose his hope. Maybe it is time to let it all go, to move on.

A few days pass and both are trying to avoid each other; and they are doing a good job at it. It has passed about a week when Rory finally decides to stop with the childish behavior; after all they live together, they would have to see and talk to each other eventually.

She combs her hair, checking her appearance on the mirror to make sure she looks presentable. Satisfied with what she sees, she steps out of her room and goes to the kitchen just to find it empty. 'Jess was never a morning person', she thinks and smiles for knowing these little things about him.

She turns the coffeemaker on and takes a pop tart from the cabinet, sitting on the small table that looks more like a stool and officially separates the kitchen from the living room, waiting for him to wake up.

Just when she has finished breakfast she hears his door cracking open and sits up waiting, secretly anxious to really see him for the first time in the last several days. When she sees a beautiful (and natural) blond with warm chocolate eyes leave his room, her heart drops.

The girl is beautiful in a simple way. She is slim, her skin a shade of olive (just like Jess') and her soft blond curls fall from her head to just a couple of inches below her shoulder.

She looks at Rory with a shy smile and Rory can actually see a blush creeping on this girl's cheek. She walks towards Rory wearing only one of Jess' tee that looks over-sized on her, and offers her hand to greet Rory, "Hi, I'm Cathy."

Rory just looks at her and after a minute of staring, shakes the girl's hand. This Cathy chick has uttered less than five words, but just by the way she walks and talks, she reminds Rory of someone she once knew. Cathy is what Rory once was, and Rory could see Jess falling for this girl (and falling hard), like once he fell for her. Suddenly she can't deny or overlook the un-mistaking jealousy that spread its wings inside her. It overcomes her and she is shocked and hurt that he had moved on so fast.

She is so lost in her own thoughts that she doesn't even notice when Jess walks into the kitchen and hugs Cathy from behind until Cathy starts giggling, while Jess nuzzles the girl's neck. Rory feels sick.

He whispers something in her ear and then announces a little louder, "I'm gonna take a shower." Cathy turns around, watching him leave the kitchen with adoring eyes.

Rory looks down at the table top. She hates them. She hates him for bringing them home. She hates them for being pretty, intelligent, funny and nice in their own way. For being perfect, even prefect for him. For making him make the noises he does at night and she can hear from her room, unable to go anywhere. Even more, she hates them for being polite to her and for shyly asking if Jess is interested in a relationship during the morning after breakfast, while he is in the shower. Now, here is the tricky thing; she hates herself more for lying to them, for telling them that he is a lonely guy and that they shouldn't hope for anything other than a one night stand.

He may not be exactly looking for a relationship, but she knows that some of the girls he brings home are his type and he would be willing to get into something more serious if the opportunity presented itself. But she never lets any of these girls give him the chance, destroying their hopes as soon as she can. And that's when she realizes exactly how jealous she is and in what kind of creature she is turning into.

And this time is no different. As soon as the question leaves the girl's mouth, Rory tells her the same old stories, 'he's not looking for a relationship', 'I'm really sorry. It's not his fault, really. It's just that he is a lonely wolf', 'you shouldn't get too involved, Jess isn't the dating type'. Cathy lets her head fall, staring at the counter. Not sure of what to do with what Rory said.

A moment later Jess appears in the kitchen again, fully clothed this time, and wraps his arms around Cathy's waist before kissing her cheek, making his way to her lips.

The worried and fearful expression that adorned the girl's face just seconds before abruptly vanishes. His touch seems to reassure her, give her hope, as if she just knew it could work out.

Roy can see its similarity with her own situation a few years ago, when his touch seemed to be meant just for her and she used to reveal in the same feelings that now Cathy experienced.

Apparently his touch wasn't meant just for her. And apparently, now they were done. Rory stands up and leaves the kitchen; there is nothing there for her anymore.


	4. Drunkness

**UNDER THE SAME ROOF**

**Summary: **They are not together, but they live together. There is a thin wall between and 1000 miles separating them. But still, when it's cold outside and they want to keep themselves warm they go to the same place. It's just a few feet away, but there they are together...even if it's only for one more night. LIT

* * *

**Chap 04**

The colorful images on the TV did not hold her attention, although she keeps looking straight ahead. Her thoughts lay on the boy in the next room. They haven't been together for weeks and it is bothering her; not only the sex (or the lack of), but the fact he is choosing someone else over her. That he _can_choose someone else over her.

Cathy turned out to be quite the catch. She has just gotten into college and studies her butt off to get straight A's in all her architecture classes. Still, she always finds time to be with him and that alone makes him feel good about himself. To know someone like her would drop everything to be with a high school drop out (even though he got his GED) and never throw it on his face; maybe because she is a rather humble girl. She takes her classes at a small community college and works at a café to get her own money. All this independence from her family, her intelligence, her beauty, her kindness… everything about her disgusts and annoys Rory profoundly. 'This girl is too good for Jess', she would try to convince herself, 'only a girl full of flaws could want to be with him.' But now she is starting to see what she already knew, that he isn't bad at all and that girls as good as her (maybe even better) can want him for themselves.

She feels an ache in her heart, a subtle feeling between anger and hurt, when she sees the two of them together. She needs him to reassure her that in the end he will always come back to her, just like he has always done. But maybe it is just a pretty lie she likes to tell herself.

Tonight she just wants to watch movies with him, have some pizza and ice cream. Talk about music, maybe about books (if it doesn't feel too personal). Ask him how he is, how he is doing on his job, if he really likes the girl he is screwing, what he is going to do tomorrow.

He comes to the living room still fixing his shirt, hair wet, as dark as the shadows in her eyes.

She turns to him, ready to invite him to join her on the couch for a movie marathon when she sees his clothes, "Do you have plans for tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm having dinner with someone."

"Who?"

He raises his eyebrows, as to say 'Isn't it obvious?', but answers anyway, "Cathy."

"Are you dating her?" she asks hesitantly.

"No, just fucking her," he answers without blinking.

Her expression becomes an angry one, "You know, you're such a bastard! How can you even say that?"

"It's not that hard; it's just the truth."

"These girls, they might actually like you. I mean, they may care about you, God knows why… and maybe they want something more," she says looking down, as though realizing it for the first time. "But, oh no, you're too good for that!" she raises her voice with an accusatory tone. "You prefer to have a different girl in your bed every week!"

"I never lied to them," he defends himself. "I never said I was looking for something more. I never gave them any false hopes; they knew exactly what they were getting themselves into. And if you haven't noticed, Cathy has been around for much longer than a week. Not that it's any of your business," he snaps at her. "And besides, why do you care? Or do you want me to start dating someone?"

"God, no! They are so…" she stops, making a face.

"So what?" he questions.

"So…your type," she says in a distasteful way.

"Oh, and that's a bad thing now. Of course, I'm the bad guy, so if they come closer than a mile they can only be sluts, right? They can never be good enough for your _kind_," he says, getting his jacket and heading to the door. "You're unbelievable, you know that? But you know what, I don't care, 'cause God knows no one will ever be good enough for you anyway." he says before slamming the door.

The apartment is very quiet. He has just arrived from Cathy's place and by the silence in his own apartment he supposes Rory is in her room, mad at him, as a child that is grounded by her parents would be. He isn't in the mood to argue or call her attention to the fact that she doesn't have the right to be mad because he is moving on and trying to be happy.

Surprisingly, he is starting to really like Cathy. She is a sweet girl, but still has an attitude. Her family isn't on the wealthy side and she knows what it feels like not to have anyone putting much (or any) faith on your dreams. Still, she holds some sort of innocence and hope. She doesn't read as much as he does, but her taste in literature and music is quite good. And for some unknown reason she shows a lot of interest on him and in what could be an 'us'.

He drags his feet to his bed and lets his body fall on it, a smile on his face. He lets slumber overtake him, thinking what it would be like to love and be with someone that wasn't Rory.

* * *

Someone knocks on the door. At first Jess is hesitant to stand up and open it, after all it is three thirty in the morning and he definitely isn't expecting any visitors at such hour.

He reluctantly stands up and goes to answer it. He is shocked to find Kelly holding Rory, trying to stead her up; and Rory, most likely unconscious, stumbling on her own feet.

He looks up at Kelly, "What the hell happened to her?"

"We were at this bar and Rory started having one too many drinks. At first I didn't mind because I thought she needed to drown her feelings in alcohol. But then this guy showed up and started hitting on her and next thing I know, he is trying to take her with him…So I thought it was time to bring her home," she says, handing Rory to him.

He takes her into his arms, "Thank you. For taking care of her," he says sincerely.

"No problem," Kelly smiles a bit. "By the way" she furrows her eyebrows, "did you two have a fight or something?"

"Why?" he asks, curious.

"It's just…she sounded so upset when she invited me to go out. And when we were coming back here, in the cab, sometimes she whispered your name and mumbled something…"

He shrugs, "We're fine. I guess it was nothing."

"Okay," Kelly nods, not believing him in the least. "Do you want me to stay and take care of her?" she offers.

"No, thanks, I take it from here."

She looks at him suspiciously.

"I will take care of her," he reassures the other woman.

"Alright," she nods. "If you need anything just give me a call. The number is on Rory's phone."

"Thanks," he says again, closing the door.

"Hey, just one more thing," she interrupts him. "I know it's weird," she begins, "but have you broken up with someone that you were dating seriously lately?"

He looks at her confused, but answers anyway, "I haven't been in a relationship in the last two years at least."

She nods with an understanding smile, "I see. That's what I thought," she pauses, smiling even more. "Okay, good night, Jess." She turns around, heading for the stairs.

He waits for her to disappear before bringing Rory into the apartment and dropping her on the bed. She is all dirty, smelling like beer and cigarette smoke. He starts to take off her clothes, focusing on the task at hand, though her beauty still amazes him, and carries her to the shower.

He has never seen her naked; not really. Each and every time they have slept together it has been in the dark, no lights on, and to actually see her beauty… He knows how each inch of her body feels like against his, how it tastes in his mouth, but this is the first time he is seeing her in only flesh and bone.

He wishes it could have been in a different situation, in one she isn't so helpless and he isn't the only one sober. He starts bathing her and then dries her. Every now and then she would whisper his name. Sometimes mumbling and apologizing, other times cursing him. He finally dresses her again, putting one of his sweaters on her naked body, and carries her back to her bed.

He is ready to leave the room when she grasps his hand and holds it tightly. She opens slightly her red eyes and impressionably clearly in her somewhat drunk state pleads, "Stay."

He closes his eyes and lets his hand be held by hers. Why can she only say the word in a situation like that, in which he cannot held her responsible for what she is saying and can never guess how much she really means it? But he is helpless and hopeless when it comes to her.

He lets go of her hand and takes off his shoes and shirt before slipping under the covers by her side.

He wraps his arms around her, holding her from behind. It is good to just hold her for an entire night, pretending there would never be a tomorrow; that there isn't a past or a future to blame or worry about. He sights knowing he will spend the rest of the night just like that; breathing into her, his lips barely touching the back of her neck.


	5. Say Goodbye

**UNDER THE SAME ROOF**

**Summary: **They are not together, but they live together. There is a thin wall between and 1000 miles separating them. But still, when it's cold outside and they want to keep themselves warm they go to the same place. It's just a few feet away, but there they are together...even if it's only for one more night. LIT

* * *

**Chap 05**

Headache.

Darkness.

Dizziness.

Thirsty.

Weak.

Tiredness.

Make sense.

She can't think straight. She can't even open her eyes, for God's sake. She sighs. She can only feel a musky taste on her mouth and a bump on her head. Her feet slowly touch the cold tile. One step, two steps, she grabs the doorway and tries to steady herself. Her vision is blurry in the darkness and she can barely make anything out from the dim streetlights, but she is grateful anyway; her eyes would probably hurt way too much if the lights were turned on.

Somehow her feet drag her to the bathroom and she kneels in front of the toilet and holds her hair out of her face. Only then she notices it is wet and smells fruity, which makes her more nauseous and she throws up.

A minute later she feels someone on her side, her hair being held and a hand on her shoulder. When she is done she wipes her mouth and then pushes him away with all her strength, which isn't much. He just sighs, assuming she is still on her drunk stupor and helps her up, leading her back to the bedroom.

She stops at the sink to wash her mouth, and when she looks up at her image in the mirror, she pauses and observes herself. Messy hair, puffy red eyes, pale lips, swollen face. She looks distorted, bizarre; she thinks of herself like a Picasso painting and that alone disgusts her.

"She is prettier," she whispers and she can read the 'who?' written on his face through the mirror. So she answers, "Cathy."

His expression suddenly becomes defeated, frustrated, exhausted.

"Her hair is never messed up, she always has these perfect blond curls… it must remind you of an angel or something. Mine is too messy, you know. It's not really straight and it's too long now, it makes me look like a dorky teenager. And her eyes are so vivid while mine are just two pools of innocent blue. I'm pretty sure they must have bored you a long time ago. I mean, you were always the mysterious type who goes after more and I was always the small town girl. And, oh God, I look so swollen and fat while she is so delicate… there's a word for…" she says hitting her head with her hand, trying hard to remember, "petite!" she says triumphantly. "She is so petite and perfect."

She looks down at his bare feet for a moment and then snaps her head up as if she just remembered something extremely important, "You must be so proud of her, she pays her own bills, no grandparents to please on Friday night dinners! She is totally free and totally yours."

Her eyes wonder back to the mirror but won't focus on anything anywhere, "Have you met her parents already?"

"Last week," he says in a whisper.

She nods. "Have you ever met my father?"

He shakes his head, "No."

She nods again. "That's what I thought." She pauses and looks at her image in the mirror, "You can't like that girl," she says, talking about her own image. "Even I don't like her!" she says, falling forward and hitting the mirror with her closed hand, breaking it into a few pieces. He holds her by the waist, but she hits it again with her fist and this time it breaks in hundreds of pieces, some pieces of glass falling from the frame into the sink and onto the floor around them.

Jess encircles her torso with one arm and grabs her forearm with his other hand, enclosing her into his embrace and preventing her from hurting herself even more. She lets herself be held in his gentle arms and cries, "You could never love me."

She wakes with a horrible headache and a misplaced regret. She knows she did something she shouldn't have, but for the life of her she can't remember what it was. Just then there is a knock on the door and Jess comes into her room, and just at the sight of him she closes her eyes, remembering everything.

"I'm sorry about last night," she says in a small voice, as not to make her headache even worse, and her are eyes still closed as he sits on a nearby chair.

"Yeah, I bet."

She looks at him. "I really am."

He sighs. "I know. It just sucks to always have to forgive your stupid mistakes."

"Well, I'm not the only one who makes them!" she accuses back a bit louder.

He sighs again, defeated, "Look where we stand! What has become of us! I can't stand this anymore, Rory! We're not an '_us' _but we don't let the other be happy either."

She looks down, "I wasn't trying to hold you back. I just… When we were together… But then…"

"It's too late. Isn't, it?"

She shrugs, "I guess." A beat. She looks up at him with sad eyes, "I've never planned for us to be in a situation like _this_."

"No one plans to be in a situation like this; but still, here we are."

"It was not supposed to be like this."

"Maybe not, but what does it matter now?"

She shakes her head, "I still think it matters. I think we could make it work…"

"How?"

She sighs, not quite ready to be defeated but also not finding a solution for their problem. "I'm not saying it's gonna be easy or that I have the perfect solution, but I want to at least try."

"I just can't do that. Just stop everything that is going on in my life - when I'm finally doing good - to _try_ a relationship with you for the hundredth time, just to get hurt and be the villain again."

"What do you want me to say? That everything will turn out okay? I can't do that. I can't promise you…" she trails off.

"…anything," he finishes for her.

She looks at him and nods, "So, that's it?"

"What else do you need to prove that this is the end? The knights of the apocalypse?"

She shakes her head and laughs, "How can something end when it has never even begun?" she retorts before lying back on the bed and covering herself over her face with the blanket, waiting for him to leave the room as he does a moment later.


	6. Moving On

**UNDER THE SAME ROOF**

**Summary: **They are not together, but they live together. There is a thin wall between and 1000 miles separating them. But still, when it's cold outside and they want to keep themselves warm they go to the same place. It's just a few feet away, but there they are together...even if it's only for one more night. LIT

**A/N:** Huge thanks to my wonderful beta **Charli Lee** who edited the whole re-written version of this story. Also thank you for all those who read and reviewed.

* * *

**Chap 06**

Later that day, when he leaves to go to work she gets up and goes to the shower. While the steaming hot water burns her skin she can only think about how she will be able to live without him. No matter how crazy their relationship is, deep down she always knew no matter what he was there for her. But now it was about to change. She knew what their earlier conversation meant no late night meeting in the living room, or comfort of any kind. They would be barely friends from now on, since they didn't know how to be anything less intimate than they were. It was all or nothing and he had just told her it would be nothing.

She steps out of the shower ignoring the tears that ran down her cheek with the water drops from the shower. After quickly putting some clothes on, she decides it was time for her to take a break, and started packing a light bag. She wrote him a brief note to let him know she is going to Stars Hollow and that she'll probably be back sometime by the end of the week. Looking around the living room a last time, she leaves the note on the coffee table and closes the door behind her.

* * *

Rory was in her PJs on her couch, eating ice cream and watching re-runs of The Nanny, when Lorelai got home. 

"Hey, baby! How was your day?" Lorelai asked, sorting through the mail.

"Great. Re-runs of Seinfeld, then re-runs of Dawson's Creek followed by re-runs of The Nanny. What about yours?"

"I've made Michel curse. In French _and_ English!" she says excitedly while walking into the kitchen and coming back with a mug of coffee.

"Good for you!" Rory cheers but doesn't move from the couch.

Lorelai comes to sit on the couch next to Rory and presses mute on the TV. "Hon, you know how much I love you and how happy I am that you decided to spend some time here in Stars Hollow with me, right?"

Rory nods silently, knowing there would be a 'but' coming really. And she isn't disappointed.

"_But, _you've been here for almost a week. You barely left the house and you're wallowing, watching TV and eating junk food for the past few days. I know you're a grown woman and that's why I haven't bothered you about it so far, but I guess if things are still bad after a week I have the right to pull the 'mom card'."

Rory smiled at her mother's rant, "It's okay, mom. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. I guess I just needed a break from school."

Lorelai looks at her suspiciously, "So this has nothing to do with a certain dark haired, broody, monosyllabic guy, right?"

She feigned confusion, "What are you talking about?"

"Hon, I may have said nothing, but I'm not stupid. If you weren't comfortable to talk to me about Jess, then I wasn't going to push it. I always thought you'd eventually come around, but you never did, so I just thought you were dealing it in your own way. But now I'm starting to think you weren't dealing with it at all, and I'm guessing that's what brings you here."

"Mom," she sighs, "me and Jess…"

"I know, I know. You're not dating, right?" Rory nods. "And now he is with the blond chick." Rory looks down and nods again.

"And it's killing you," Lorelai states. Rory looks up suddenly but says nothing.

"It's not what you think…" Rory begins.

"So you weren't screwing Jess for the last couple years while you two are roommates."

She bites her lip and looks away, "Okay, so it is _a little_ like what you think."

Lorelai gets a cushion and puts it on her lap tapping on it. "Come on, tell mommy what happened."

Rory smiles and lies down, resting her head on her mother's lap and telling her everything that has been going on between her and Jess for the last couple of years. All the while, Lorelai listens quietly, stroking her daughter's hair as Rory finishes her story, "So now he says that it's too late, that it's over and that we should let the other be happy."

"Well, hon, although I never thought I'd say this, he is right." Rory sits up. "From what you've told me you've been playing with the boy for two years, pushing just to pull away. Rory, I know he had the whole 'bad boy' thing going on back then but he has changed. Every now and then he comes and visits Luke and he always calls to check up on him. Sometimes I talk to him on the phone, when he calls and Luke isn't home, and then he lets me know how you are doing because you just don't call as often anymore," Lorelai pauses and Rory looks at her hurt. "That's beside the point. What I'm saying is that he is a good guy now and he has been there, right next door, waiting for you for two years while he watches you going on dates with other guys.'

"It's not like he doesn't date either," she defends herself.

"Okay, you're right. Now just tell me, how long did it take for your rendezvous' to start happening after you two moved in together?"

"About four months."

"And for you to star going on dates with other guys and bringing them home?"

She looks down, "Two."

"And did you stop seeing other guys after these meetings with Jess started?"

She shakes her head, "No."

"Okay, and the final question: how long did it take _him_ to start going on dates with other girls and start bringing them home?"

"Mom, I don't know… It's not like I kept counting-"

Lorelai gives her a pointed look and she looks down, defeated.

"Six months," she says in a small voice.

"Do you think it's fair to him to keep suffering in this 'thing' you two have while he knows you won't give him a second chance anyway?"

"I suffered too!" Rory screams frustrated.

"I know, I was there," Lorelai reminds her. "But now he has suffered just as much if not more than you."

"Do you think I like to see him with these other girls? Hear him at night? Have to be nice to them during breakfast?"

"Rory, you're my daughter and I love you, but sometimes you can be so dense. During all that time you could just say the word and have him back. You knew the ball was on your court and you chose to do nothing. You knew he wanted to be with you and it was not by his choice that you weren't together, but by yours. Now he finally got a girl that really likes him and he thinks he can like her to, and that's when you decide to want to _try_ something?"

Her eyes water and a few tears slip down her face, "I really love him, mom. I can't have him being someone else's boyfriend."

"Well, finally you figured that out. So what are you going to do?"

"What can I do? He has already made up his mind."

"I'd say you could go talk to him and this time maybe you could be, I don't know... honest?"

"Mom, he won't-"

"Maybe he will, maybe he won't. I just know that I wouldn't be married to Luke if I hadn't told him I loved him when I did," she says, before standing up and leaving the house, letting Rory think about what she had said.

* * *

Rory opened the door to her apartment noticing nothing has changed. It's still afternoon and Jess is probably still at work, which gave her a couple of hours before she had _the_ talk. She walked to her room, and only then she notices movement in his room. Carefully, she moved closer, peeking inside. There she finds him folding clothes and putting them into a duffle bag, some of his books and CDs already in boxes; he doesn't own much more than that. 

"What are you doing?" she asks before she can think.

He turns around. "What does it look like?"

"You traveling?" she asks quietly.

He chuckles at her childish way of denial. "No, Rory, I'm moving."

"But… why? Where?"

He sighs. "I'm staying at Ben's for now. Cathy mentioned something about moving in together… I don't know," he says, shaking his head.

"You don't have to move out, you know."

He looks at her as if she were crazy, "Well, thank you for letting me stay in my own apartment, but I think I'll pass."

"Jess…"

"What?" he asks harshly than he means and she freezes.

"Please, don't go."

"Rory, don't start this now," he pleads.

"I'm serious. Please, don't go. I can't be without you."

"But you have been for all these years! What? Do you think that being my roommate was having me? All we did was fuck when you wanted and by your rules!" he yells frustrated and tears fall from her eyes. "And worse of all, I let you. I let you do whatever you wanted to me 'cuz I thought someday we'd be good again. But I'm tired of waiting for something that will never happen."

"We can have it now," her voice is shaken and broken.

"Now? After all you put me through? After I finally made up my mind you want to be with me and expect me to just say 'okay'?"

"No! I know I screwed up, okay? But can we at least talk about it?"

"Talk? Rory, you ran away a week ago just because you didn't want to see- much less -talk to me!"

"It wasn't like that. I just didn't know what to do…"

"And now you do?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure. All I know is that I won't let my pride or my hurt get in my way anymore, and I think that's a good start."

"You talked to Lorelai," he states, taking a deep breath.

She nods.

"She told me the day I decided to move on, this would happen," he pauses. "Your mother is a wise woman."

Rory nods again.

"What did she tell you?'

"She said…" she sobbed and took a deep breath. "She said that I couldn't try to make you hurt just because you hurt me. That we've both suffered and we're even now. And also that I couldn't just want to _try_ to have something with you now that you found someone that is good to you, that it wouldn't be enough. That if I finally I figured out how I feel about you, then I'd have to be honest," she pauses. "I guess it means I have to tell you that I love you. 'Cause that's the truth. And that I'd do anything for you to give me a second chance."

He closes his eyes, tired.

"Jess, say something," she begs.

"I don1t know if I can do this," he says, his eyes still closed.

"Just one more chance," she cries. "Please! If it doesn't work for you just say the word and I'll be out of your life for good, but please..."

He opens his eyes and looks into her watery blue ones. "If we're gonna do this, it'll have to be different."

She nods forcefully, a smile slowly crossing her lips.

"No more of your stupid rules or late night meetings in the living room. We're even now and I'm done with bringing back old ghosts and accusations. And it's not an 'open relationship' or a 'thing', cuz it's sure as hell that I'll ever see or hear you at night with any other guy!"

She nods enthusiastically, "Yeah, sure. Whatever you say."

"Okay then."

"So, we're together?" she confirms.

"That's what it seems."

"And you're my boyfriend," she steps closer.

"That would be the logical thing to say," he gives her a crooked smile.

"So, it'd be okay for me to kiss you now, right?"

"Maybe in half an hour, after I break up with Cathy?"

She closes the space between then pressing her lips to his but doing nothing more than that. He holds her by the waist and she steps back. He glares at her but she can't stop smiling.

"Just one chaste kiss," she defends herself. "I couldn't help it! Now go break up with your ex-girlfriend so we can celebrate."

He rolls his eyes at her but complies, grabbing his jacket and heading to the door.

"And Jess," she calls more sober, "when you come back, I'll be waiting in my room."

He smile and nods, understanding that she really means it when she says it'll be different this time around.

_**  
The End**_


End file.
